Note: Before posting this entry (which, by the way, Pär and I refer to as "entrées"), I went into the other room for a minute and Pär sat down at my desk to read what I had written.

"I'm adding some editorial comments," he called out to me.

He wrote his two rather impertinent editorial comments in all-caps red font. I've left both of them in there for your amusement.

Pär came home from work tonight and my super pregnant high-gear ninja Spidey-sense of smell kicked in the minute he walked into the room.

"Did you smoke today?" I asked.

"Yep, I bummed one." He held out his hand for me to sniff, as evidence.

"Oh." I could feel my face twisting into a look of anguish.

"What's wrong? Oh no, you want cigarettes again?"

"I've been wanting a cigarette for days!"

"Poor sweetie."

"Waah."

"In a few months, you'll be able to have one every now and then without hurting the Tot. You can do that thing first where you fill up two days' worth of milk in bottles and refrigerate it."

"Oh, don't make it worse!"

"What? The idea of waiting a few months bothers you?"

"No, the idea of two days' worth of milk coming out of my breasts!"

"It's beautiful!" he proclaimed. "It's natural!"

"It freaks me out, man."

"It's what breasts are meant for!"

"Not these puppies," I said. "All my life thus far, they've done exactly two things: made it hard for me to run, and brought me pleasure. They're all form. Now suddenly they're going to turn functional on me."

"It's the knowledge that they're made to be functional that helps make them sexy," Pär said. I could tell he truly believed that line as he said it, too. I wasn't buying it.

"Oh sure," I said. "It's real sexy to be... milkable."

"Maybe I feel that way because I come from out in the countryside, around farmlands, where we lived closer to nature," he suggested WHILE OBVIOUSLY BEING HUMOROUS ABOUT IT

"What, so now you associate me with cows, that's what you're saying?"

He stroked his chin thoughtfully. "Well, you know about how cows do play a role in the erotic life of rural boys."

"Pär, is there... something you want to tell me?"

"I wasn't that rural," he said. AND THAT'S HOW I LEARNED TO END MY ENTREE ON A COMPLETELY FLAT NOTE!!!!!