I was irritable last night. I wasn't pissed off at anyone or anything in particular; it was just a general sort of need to vent after being in physical discomfort all day long and being stressed out about all the things I need to get done. Oh, and did I mention that being pregnant can make a person extra emotional?

It was late and I wanted to sleep and the baby was wildly flipping out and flailing around inside me.

"Oof," I said.

"What?" Pär said, lying next to me in bed.

"Feel this." I guided his hand to feel the bizarre bulge that was slowly drifting across my stomach.

"Whoa!" he said, prodding at the knee or foot or tentacle or whatever it was moving under there. "What the hell is that? We have a demon child."

"I'm so chock full o' Tot I don't know how there's room for the baby to move at all any more."

The baby started doing its steady-pounding-on-mommy trick. This is when I feel a very light punch in the same place at more or less regular intervals for a while. Pär and I have speculated on what Small Tot could possibly be thinking to find this activity interesting. But then we consider what else Tot has to do with its time in there, and we figure that monotonously pounding on the wall is probably about as stimulating as any other entertainment options.

"[Someone we know] asked again whether I can feel the baby hiccuping," I said. "He keeps asking me that. He's obsessed with how exciting it is that babies hiccup."

"I've heard other people talk about that too," Pär said. "It seems to be a big deal, people get all worked up about it."

"I don't see why."

"What I don't understand is how a baby can hiccup in the womb. Don't you need to be breathing air in order to hiccup?"

"I thought you did. Maybe it's not really hiccups, that's just some cutesy name that people came up with to describe when a baby twitches or something."

"It sounds as though they are talking about real hiccups."

"Huh. I don't get it. What's the big deal? I can see taking an interest after the baby's born, if it's in distress. But if your baby is hiccuping in utero, what are you going to do about it anyway?"

"Scare the baby so the hiccups go away?"

"Oh, sure." I lifted myself up for a moment, twisted around, and then fell back onto the bed. "There you go, Tot, wasn't that scary? Thrills and chills, baby! Hoo boy, I'll bet you were reeeaally freaked out by the sudden unexpected approach of my spleen!"

Pär was quietly laughing.

"It's so stupid!" I burst out, trying in vain to turn onto my side and get more comfortable. "Whether it's hiccups or kicking, what's the fucking difference? Either way the baby's fine and it stops doing it after a minute or two, so who fucking cares? Do people think it's cute? It's not fucking cute!"

Pär couldn't stop laughing.

"What?" I snapped.

"You are one giant crab!"

"I am crabby," I snarled. "But I don't understand why people get excited over a baby hiccuping! Who! fucking! cares!"

This is what my mood has been like by the end of the day, all week long. I'm a real sweetheart. This ninth month is going to be a fun one for Pär, eh?